Support in Marriage

I have lots of life and relationship issues to think about right now. Writing them out is part of how I think through them. I have a private blog I use for the more confidential and emotional things. But I decided to write this one here because I’m thinking more people want to know how they should be supporting their spouse.

My husband claims I do not support him. Okay. Whether or not that is true, I want to find out what supporting a husband looks like. So, I do some research and come up with this article by Boyd Bailey. I feel like what he says is true. Here’s a quote:

A man needs to know his wife trusts his decision-making and his ability to provide for his family. Her confidence in him propels his self-confidence to higher levels. Your belief in your husband builds him up to believe in himself. It is difficult for a man to rise any higher than the opinion of his helpmate.

Bailey also writes about being patient with him and trusting him to the Lord when things aren’t getting done. Pray for him to be the leader God wants him to be.

How do I stand up to these things? I think the question is more like, how have I stood up to these things in the past, and how has my situation changed recently? I think I did trust his decision-making and his ability to provide. Until I couldn’t anymore. And I did believe in him. Until that became foolish. I still find myself rebuking myself for not believing in him, for not being more supportive. Because I know that’s what wives are supposed to do.

But I read on to the husband’s instructions, and I learn what they are supposed to be doing, and it is written for my husband. I wish he would be more interested in me and my blog and what I’m interested in so that he could read this.

As a husband, it is imperative in God’s sight that you lovingly lead your wife and children. You may feel your wife is more qualified, smarter, and more spiritual. These all may be very true. However, God’s plan is for you to take the position of leadership in the home. She is looking for you to do whatever God has told you. Prayer is your mantle of responsibility. See it as a privilege to enjoy and not an obligation to tolerate. She will trust you more and more as you remain trustworthy.

It takes time to overcome a track record of distrust. Remain in the process of listening to God, following His commands, and then leading your family to do the same.

Track record of distrust. That sounds so nasty. But that’s what he has, and he seems to expect me to try to win him back somehow. He expects me to make him fall in love with me again. But really, he needs to be praying and listening to what God is telling him, and how can he be doing that if he’s blocking out his spiritual leaders from the church? He needs to be leading in love. He wants me to lead him in love.

How do I love him right now? I pray for him. I do what I can to show him that he needs God’s guidance. There’s not much I can do. My support is nothing if he’s not leaning on the same God I’m leaning on.

In a way, the revelation of writing this post is disheartening. I can’t fix things. But in another way, it is hopeful. I can’t fix things, but God knows all about this, and He understands what my husband is supposed to be doing. He understands why I can’t support my husband the way a wife supports a trustworthy husband. He gets it! And He can help me.


One thought on “Support in Marriage

  1. twainausten December 15, 2018 / 11:03 am

    I’m sorry you’re struggling. (As I say aware that every couple I have ever known has struggles or has had struggles). The vet best things in life, marriage and parenting, also have the most effort connected to them, and totally worth the effort. I come from a Christian perspective too. Learning to be still and feel my feelings and acknowledge my feelings without trying to convince or coerce him into anything is effective. Own your own feelings. Soothe your own feelings. Take care of your self. Check out self differentiation on YouTube (jerry wise). Marriage is the ultimate long range plan that God uses to bring us into molding, changing, growing, sanctification. So so so much to learn about oneself and about loving another through marriage. Many blessings upon you and your husband and children!

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