The sermon tonight was about trusting God, not worrying, and knowing that God cares for me. He works good for me through my afflictions. Leave worrying to the world because I have a Father who is taking care of me, always.
And then we sang the song “Be still my soul.”
There are tons of reasons my soul doesn’t want to be still. And there are just as many reasons it does. The stillness and the wildness push and shove and generally act like my children when they’re stuck inside on a rainy Sunday afternoon. And I am torn up and confused.
Except that the stillness has won already. I know that. And it doesn’t really push and shove. It pervades. It fills. It’s like smoke. (Good smoke. Smoke doesn’t have such a pleasant connotation for me.) But the wildness stirs it up and makes it seem to go away. And then I calm down, and the stillness pervades again.
I keep hearing things like, “I have to do what is good for me.” And I fight against that because it sounds so much like worldly wisdom. But… I need to rethink that. If I do what’s wrong for me, that’s no good either. That’s stirring up the good smoke. I have to get to a place where the good smoke becomes less stirrable. Like a higher altitude or something. Where smoke can gel. Where peace can become a solid instead of something that comes and goes. Probably, it means I need to ask God to strengthen my faith so I can trust Him more.
I’m trying to be more practical here and less metaphorical. I need to pray for stronger faith. I need to keep going to my church because that’s where I’m hearing the Word faithfully preached. I need to keep going to my Christian counselor because she sets me straight when I get confused. I need to play piano when I am anxious at home. I need to write in my blogs because they help me process my thoughts. I need to keep relationships going with encouraging Christian friends because, well, because they are encouraging. I need to be very careful to whom I trust my heart.
There. That was good for me. To say that. I think I will go to bed now.